Columns

Chalk Talk

Keep walking and you'll find the answer (also written in chalk): "They wave at each other." 

Another option: "They say 'Happy Tidings'!"  

Wasted Water 

On another stretch of Rose Street, there's another watery puzzle. The lawn sprinklers at MLK Jr. School are sending hundreds of gallons of precious H20 across the sidewalks and into the street. The problem: The sprinklers are designed to automatically spread a circle of water in a five-foot radius but many of the sprinklers—especially the ones close to the sidewalk—are covered with overgrown grass and weeds. This blocks the spray and traps the water beneath the vegetation. The trapped water simply drains away, watering the walkways instead of the grass. Simple solution: cut the grass around the sprinklers. 

Trumperstickers in Berkeley? 

I recently found myself following a large van down a thoroughfare in Berkeley when I noticed a small sticker on the back. At a traffic stop, I pulled up close to insure that I hadn't hallucinated the message. Sure enough, it read: "Trump 2020." And sure enough, I the driver was wearing a cowboy hat. As the truck accelerated away, I noticed another political sticker on the vehicle's back gate. It announced: "My dog is a Republican." 

I'm guessing a German Shepherd/Pit Bull mix. 

Can Plastic Trash Save the Arctic? 

Plastic pollution threatens the health of the world's oceans and the lives of all the creatures that dwell above, upon, and beneath the waves. This long-standing problem has now been compounded by a new tributary to the waste stream—tons of new plastic stemming from all the disposable pandemic-protective paraphernalia being consumed in hospitals and homes. 

So here's an idea: What if we pulled all the plastic trash our of the oceans and used the recaptured material to build small islands of "plastic ice" for the planet's endangered polar bears to cling to? With the warming of the poles and the disappearance of land and water ice sheets, polar bears—unable to find secure perches while diving for food in warming Arctic waters—are dying from starvation and will eventually be forced to abandon the oceans. 

Forget the Blue Angels: Here Comes the Red Angel 

If you've had it with the Blue Angels doing flyovers in formation, take a few minutes to check out a what a single Russian pilot can do in a Mikoyan MiG-29 with an OVT Vectored Thrust engine. Viewing suggestion: Queue up a recording of Strauss' Blue Danube Waltz to accompany the video. 

Some Coveted Covid Tips 

Johns Hopkins Hospital recently shared some coronavirus safety tidbits that I'd missed. (Stay safe: Spread widely.) 

* Since the virus is not a living organism, it can't be killed. 

* Antibiotics and antibacterial treatments can't kill something that's not alive. 

* The virus is a protein molecule covered by a protective layer of lipid (fat). 

* Soap or detergent is the best weapon because the foam dissolves the fat. 

* Heat also melts fat; so try always to use water heated above 77 degrees. 

* Any mixture containing more than 65% alcohol can dissolve viral fat. 

* Spirits won't work. Vodka is only 40% alcohol. But Listerine would work: it's 65% alcohol. 

* Moisturize your hands. Dry hands can develop microcracks where viruses can hide. 

* Keep your nails short so the virus can't hide there. 

An August Announcement 

On August 6, 75 years after the US detonated an atomic bomb over Hiroshima, three nations—Ireland, Nigeria, and Niue—ratified the Treaty on the Prohibition of Nuclear Weapons. Only seven more ratifications are needed to reach the 50 needed to make the treaty law. To date, 83 nations have signed while 43 have fully ratified the treaty. 

The International Campaign to Abolish Nuclear Weapons (ICAN) writes: "Today’s ratifications are also an important acknowledgement of the courageous advocacy of the survivors of the atomic bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki, who have long warned humanity of the threat of nuclear war. We can think of no better way to commemorate the 75th anniversary of these horrific attacks than with meaningful action to rid the world of the scourge of nuclear weapons. Please help share this news and urge other nations to ratify: 

https://twitter.com/nuclearban/status/1291370740613341191?s=20 

Your Vote Matters (Is That Why the Website's Been Disabled?) 

On August 6, a voice message alert encouraged me to check my voting status on www.IWillVote.com. But there was a problem: the www.IWillVote.com website was defunct, dead, and down. 

Trump agents at work? A GOP cyber-attack? Who knows? At least you can enjoy the video. 

And here's a backup. California residents can quickly check their voter registration status by going to My Voter Status - California Secretary of State. 

Comic Karma 

It's good to see some comic strips are starting to take the coronavirus seriously. Among the strips featuring strips of cloth masking cartoon characters—Candorville, Lio, Pearls Before Swine, and Baby Blues. So get with it, Blondie, Dennis the Menace, Doonesbury, and Garfield. 

Bonus points: In a recent Baby Blues panel, the McPhereson's were seen returning from a protest demonstration with their kids—and carrying half-obscured BLM and solidarity signs. 

(The last time I saw a "hidden flag" like that was back in 2004, when a Beetle Bailey strip included a half-visible presidential campaign poster for John Kerry.) 

A Comic Strip . . . Strips 

If you missed it, Greg Evans' award-winning comicstrip, Luann, made a splash this week by marking the first time a cartoon character has paused to take a bathroom break. 

Luann generally features warm, character-rich storylines that occasionally involve narcissistic toddlers, insecure teens, sociopathic adults, potentially deadly diseases, and occasional brushes with calamity. But the August 4 strip was history-making in a new way. 

Here's the set-up: Luann's friend, Bernice, has just moved into the guest bedroom in Luann's home. It's late at night and everyone is asleep—except for Bernice who wakes up and announces: "Gotta take a pee!" (I'm pretty sure that sentence has never appeared in a comic strip before.) 

She tries in vain not to make any noise but she has to walk down a creaky hallway, deal with a squeaky bathroom door, and unZIIIIIIP! her jeans. The August 5 panel finds her sitting on a toilet with her pants rolled down and thinking to herself: "Should I not flush: Maybe I can muffle the sound by covering the toilet with towels . . . ." 

Owing to Planetary deadlines, I can't tell you how this all pans out but you can find the full episode online by clicking here. 

A Life Well-Chronicled 

The Bay Area lost a celebrity this week when longtime Bay Area sportscaster and storied media star Ralph Barbieri succumbed after a long tussle with Parkinson's Disease. Hundreds of testimonials inundated local newscasts and flooded print and online press postings. But that was just the start. The memorials peaked on August 5 when the Chronicle published a full-page tribute to Barbieri (dubbed "Razor Voice" by Chron gossip columnist Herb Caen). The page includes a nice photo of a young and vibrant Barbieri but most of the page is taken up with a 4,000-plus-word biography in near-microscopic 4-point type. It's worth the read. And my guess is: Ralph Barbieri wrote every word himself. 

Like A Kidney Stone 

The Founders Sing have managed to merge top-quality satire with orb-smacking deep-fake imagery to create a stream of memorable musical take-downs targeting All Things Trump. 

Here's another inspired expropriation featuring Bob Dylan backing a bevy of eight female reporters who have been badgered and besmirched during Trump's preening press briefings. Give the clique a click and listen as they get their revenge.