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23 Years of Compliance and of No Inpatient Care

April Fool's Day marked my twenty third anniversary of being admitted to "I" Ward at Merrithew Memorial Hospital for acute psychosis. The hospital has long since been demolished except for a few small buildings that have been kept for extra medical offices. The replacement County Hospital is called "Contra Costa Regional Medical Center." 

I became engaged to marry my wife on the same day that I was released. Ordinarily I would not have the nerve to do such a thing. The ensuing years have been in large part an uphill climb. Numerous challenging situations have occurred. I am fortunate that I've made it this far. My illness is not cured. 

I've managed the illness with medication, therapy, mindfulness, reality checking, deep contemplation (about things that worked and didn't work) and journaling my thoughts. Anyone reading the journals, something they should not have been doing, would not be able to properly interpret the material. In written journals, I've talked to myself about my personal internal experiences. 

In the past 18 years, I've been a published writer. Instead of "delusions of grandeur" I've had some amount of actual notoriety. Writing has been good for my mental health. When I've interacted with editors, it has been a chance to sync an area of my thoughts with persons who are highly in touch with reality. And when an area of thought is "calibrated" (which means it is accurate at measuring something) this accuracy helps to make other areas of thinking more accurate. 

The human mind doesn't do a very good job at discerning what is real and what isn't. Most people look to authorities to tell them what and how to think. Few people try to observe for themselves and draw their own conclusions. And, in my case, I would've probably been better off had I listened more to what people were telling me with their actions and speech. Thinking independently has numerous risks. 

The fact of medication compliance is enough to tip the balance, for now, so that I haven't had relapses in more than two decades. I don't agree with everything psychiatrists tell me. Yet, they come in handy if the brain isn't cooperating and you need some chemicals to help alleviate parts of the problem. I don't let psychiatrists dictate what I am allowed to think. Yet, I concede that they have an area of experience and education that allows them to prescribe medications that I need. I am on primarily antipsychotics. And it is no fun to take antipsychotics--a very necessary and very substantial sacrifice. 

About Taking Medicine and the Placebo Effect

Part of taking medication includes the Placebo Effect. For a person with mental illness, the effect of this is double. Firstly, you are acknowledging that you have a psychiatric illness, one that you cannot solve solely on your own. Secondly, you are in a mode of cooperating with authorities, and this includes but is not limited to psychiatrists (yes, doctors are a type of authority). Third, there is the basic placebo effect, something doctors do not completely understand. However, the Placebo Effect is widely if not universally acknowledged in modern medicine and has been for more than a century. 

The chemical content of medication includes the effect of the sedation and this can help someone who suffers from psychosis. A component of psychosis is that you are not calm. Being sedated is a type of calm that allows a patient to settle down and think about what might be wrong, as opposed to being agitated. The antipsychotic effect of antipsychotics is another help, by means of restoring the possibility of fewer delusions and fewer hallucinations. 

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