Columns

Sign on the Dotard Line

After scrawling his signature on the $1.3 trillion federal budget bill, Donald Trump announced: "I'll never sign a bill like this again!"

Well, he probably won't if Robert Mueller has anything to say about it.

Legislative Acronyms in a Time of Trump

MoveOn.org is promoting legislation to require publication of White House visitor logs (something that was done regularly by the Obama administration but was ended by Trump). The law would also mandate release of visitor logs at other locations where Trump conducts business—for example, at Mar-a-Lago, Trump's Florida resort. The law was titled the "Making Access Records Available to Lead American Government Openness Act."

Not coincidentally, the acronym is . . . the MAR-A-LAGO Act.
 

Emoluments "R" Us 

Meanwhile, CredoActon is promoting legislation to block taxpayer dollars from flowing to hotels owned by the president or his relatives. Whenever Trump or his traveling Trumplings spend time in a Trump-owned hotel or resort, Trump's security details are forced to rent adjacent rooms in the building, guaranteeing that truckloads of taxpayer dollars wind up in Trump Family vaults. The acronym for this proposed law is: "No Taxpayer Revenue Used to Monetize the Presidency Act"—the NO TRUMP Act. 

Here's another law we could use: the "National Ordinance Mandating Orderly Responses, Engaging The World Eloquently, Eliciting Temperate Suasion Act." 

Otherwise known as the NO MORE TWEETS Act. 

#METOON 

J.C. Duffy's comic strip cut-ups, The Fusco Brothers, continue to practice sexual/textual misbehavior in the pages of the S.F. Chronicle. On March 22, Rölf Fusco confronted a woman in a bar and declared: "It's so cold in here I stopped feeling my feet 20 minutes ago. May I start feeling yours?" 

Question: If Rölf, Lars, Lance and Al are all brothers, why is it their noses and hairs styles don't match? (Closest nose-match: Al Fusco and Axel, their pet wolverine.) 

Time for a New National Anthem?
The Star-Spangled Banner has only been the US national anthem since 1931. With many people growing tired of Washington's endless wars, being compelled to croon lyrics about "bombs bursting in air" has lost its fascination. Who wants to celebrate armed conflict when there have been 305 schools shootings in the U.S. since 2003—an average of about one a week. The young activists of the "Mass-shooting Generation" not only deserve to see the NRA held to account, they also deserve a country whose national song celebrates freedom, not fear; love, not violence. 

With that in mind, how about "Lift Every Voice and Sing," the "Black American National Anthem"? 

Lift Every Voice and Sing 

Lift every voice and sing, till Earth and Heaven ring,
Ring with the harmonies of liberty;
Let our rejoicing rise, high as the listening skies,
Let it resound loud as the rolling sea.
Sing a song full of the faith that the dark past has taught us,
Sing a song full of the hope that the present has brought us;
Facing the rising sun of our new day begun,
Let us march on till victory is won. 

Putting the Breaks on Donald's Trumparade 

On March 9, the Pentagon released a letter outlining Donald Trump's dream for a November 11 "military parade." For starters, the spectacle would "highlight the history of US wars from the American Revolution and War of 1812 up until the present." 

That could be quite a burden. According to Navy historians, from 1776 through 2006, US troops fought in 234 foreign wars. Between 1945 and 2014, the US launched 81% of the world's 248 major conflicts. Since the Pentagon's retreat from Vietnam, the US has targeted Afghanistan, Angola, Argentina, Bosnia, Cambodia, El Salvador, Grenada, Haiti, Iran, Iraq, Kosovo, Kuwait, Lebanon, Libya, Nicaragua, Pakistan, Panama, the Philippines, Somalia, Sudan, Syria, Ukraine, Yemen, and the former Yugoslavia. 

Over the past 174 years, the US has attacked, invaded, policed, overthrown or occupied 62 other countries. (US troops even invaded Russia. It was in the summer of 1918 and they stayed for two years.) 

Trump's parade would end with US Air Force fly-overs and a finale with Trump surrounded by medal-of-honors winner. 

Counter Protest Planning 

Plans are already afoot to confront Trump's $3-50 million authoritarian salute to militarism. Anti-war vets—including contingents of disabled vets—will likely demand the right to march in the parade. Anti-war groups could insist on including a mass of marchers representing each of the 500,000-plus soldiers killed in America's foreign wars. If these requests are rebuffed, it would clarify that the parade is not intended to honor vets—or Americans' First Amendment freedoms to assemble and protest—but to propagandize for militarism and authoritarianism. 

If peace vets and their supporters are banned from Trump's parade, the excluded anti-war activists might stage a counter-march to confront the Trumparade. Would the Capital police attempt to disperse marching vets and First Amendment activists with volleys of tear-gas? That wouldn't look too good with the Whole World Watching. 

Protesters along the parade route could chant and hold up signs. Some might attempt a "Tiananmen" moment, dashing into the street to stand in front of Trump's advancing tanks. 

Some strategists are pondering a massive "drone-in" with hundreds of remotely controlled quad-choppers forming a hovering peace symbol in the air above Pennsylvania Avenue. 

Until 1954, November 11 was known as "Armistice Day," a time to celebrate peace, not war. This November marks the 100^th anniversary of the end to WWI. Instead of commemorating peace, Trump wants to use the occasion to celebrate "fire and fury." (Or, as some parade critics have renamed it: "Fire and Fuhrer.") 

Revoltin' Bolton 

Perpetual warhawk John Bolton—who has repeatedly called for bombing Iraq and North Korea—has been appointed to replace H. R. McMaster as Donald Trump's new National Security Advisor. ("National Insecurity Deviser" might be the better title.) 

Matching Trump and Bolton is like matching dynamite and a fuse. The Onion recently began an assessment of the dire situation between Kim Jong-un and Trump with the following irony-soaked lead sentence: "Acknowledging that total war with a personality cult ruled by a nuclear-capable despot will be a harrowing commitment posing many unique challenges…." 

More Revolving Doors 

In the recent tussle over the firing of Donald Trump's personal aide, John McEntee, a brief visual on NBC Nightly News raised some eyebrows. The image showed McEntee at work—presumably in his White House office. But the photo showed a room that looked more like a striped-down cell in some "shithole country." 

Bare, dingy walls, cheap desk, no carpeting, dirty walls, moldy flooring, broken tiles, rotted wooden framing, exposed electric cables and—and the end of an empty hallway—a dangling US flag. 

This is how top government aides are housed? McEntee should have asked Ben Carson to order some furniture. 

One consolation: When McEntee was fired and briskly escorted off the White House grounds, he was allowed to carrying off some of his personal belongings in an official, Trump-branded swag-bag. How thoughtful. 

(Photo: Al Drago / The New York Times.)